A windy Wednesday

For the past week or so, the days have seemed to repeat themselves: we work, we dine, we walk our cats. Around the weekend, the weather improved a little, though not by much; it was cold today. At night, when I have my socks on and can cuddle up against my husband’s warm back, I feel rich and successful.

It was a good day.

And then someone dies.

Kind of funny, but also not

[early morning]

My urge to write in English seems to have faded for a while. Very strange, as I use it a good deal when I'm out and about. My Brain appears to have switched back to my mother tongue; most of my inner dialogue is now in that language. Perhaps it has something to do with the tension I feel around work. Again, not that it's especially difficult, but other people’s troubles weigh on me more than they should, to the point of insomnia. It's difficult to keep toxicity at bay. 

4:55 a.m. Time to go to sleep again.

Bronek died on Thursday.

Don't judge a book by its cover, they say

While at work and a bit bored, I came across this cover of Is Mother Dead by Vigdis Hjorth. I'm not sure if it's an official release, or what, but I would buy it again just for it.

Crossing seasons

Again about me me moi at work: I’m in the middle of a transition process, scary, but interesting. I can see my confidence and self-esteem growing over time.

*

The remnants of ex-hurricane Erin brought a change in the weather along the coast, as we shift from late summer into early autumn. It was lashing down at dawn; we drove through torrential rain that overflowed the gutters.

Lifted

I was feeling a bit low yesterday, but today at work was a much better experience. I chatted with people (socialising always lifts my mood), plus, it was a productive day overall. I even managed to relax a little and stopped overthinking the whole 'career change' idea. Of course, I won’t stay in this position forever, but I’d be happy to stick with it for a few more months before I get bored. I met two potential learners and felt much better compared to yesterday evening.

Between naps

Haven’t felt like posting much here the last few days. Work's been full-on; the afternoons leave me more anxious and knackered than usual (second time this week I’ve nodded off before dinner). Nothing’s all that hard, really. Just think my nervous system's stuck in Eastern European mode. Have to remind myself of something fairly obvious: I've got a beautiful life.

(Photo: the staircase in the building I worked in today)

Friday creatures

If someone says it's not worth trying to save a seagull,
'cause it's just a pest, like a rat, or a mouse,
I'd say, I like rats.

*

Below, Bron having a morning kip on my husband's lap; a clever bumblebee dozing beneath an anigozanthos; the young seagull I tried to save, in vain; our latest coffee spot find; sunset at the beach (Fred's legs); Little Mary relaxing after a garden adventure; evening walk at the beach.

Home routine, behold!

Little Mary, this morning: I licked your face, and you smell of fish, so I love you even more.

*

Yesterday marked the anniversary of my first visit to Ireland, eight years ago. When I was thinking about migration (not that I gave it much serious thought, I was happy enough, had a decent job), my destination of choice were Canada (been there in 2011), or Sweden (still waiting on that one), or Germany (as the most logical place to relocate). I'd never have guessed, back in 2015, where I would be ten years later.

We had a Sturgeon Moon last night.
I stayed up late and read about it, but was too deep in my own world to look outside. That's what my husband's absence does to my Brain – I drift from reality. But that's that. It was Fred's last night in town. Today we had a lovely afternoon coffee in Costa, than fed the Dog, cleaned the house, locked the door, and finito. Home routine, behold!

Below, said coffee in Costa in the evening sun.

Garden turning with the season

Feels like autumn in the air. It's barely quarter to ten, and it's already dark outside. Fred drove to Dún Dealgan to mind the Dog (two nights left, we're almost there). Bron's two bottom baby fangs fell out this morning, and it's clear that she's got two new, tiny teeth ready to grow big and beautiful. I've been wiping Little Mary's nose and right eye every morning and evening, trying to help her with whatever's bothering her. We had our small litter victories today with Little Mary (I swear, I need catternity leave to give Mary the extra reasurance, our special girl).

Below, our garden in the late afternoon.

Friday’s highlights

 At work:

At home (Fred's gifts for me):

Apart from that, Bron's teething!

Fidgeting strangers

Politicians who constantly invoke religion are the bane of this world. Unfortunately, as of today, one of these types is now president of Poland. Thankfully, in Poland the president doesn’t hold as much power as the prime minister does – unlike in the US. Still, it’s a worrying sign of where a portion of my compatriots seems to be heading: resentment towards immigrants, fearfulness, anti-intellectualism, nationalism, and support for other nasty things wrongly called "tradition", like hypocrisy, violence, nepotism & hierarchies. There’s not much I can do about it, I can vote and keep living on my own terms.

I’ve been reading a really good book recently, Will and Testament by Vigdis Hjorth. It caused quite a stir in Norway after it was published, mostly because the author’s family seemed to recognise themselves in the story, and they were quick to insist that they weren’t like that (what a hypocritical move – either you recognise yourself in a fictional story, or you don’t, either you know it’s you, or you don’t). The topic is quite heavy: what starts as a dispute over inheritance is soon overshadowed by a serious accusation involving two of the siblings who, at some point, became estranged from the rest of the family.

When I was queuing to buy a flat white and a croissant (the ones in the photo) during my lunch break, there was a guy in front of me tossing and fidgeting with impatience while one of the baristas was serving someone else. The guy kept checking the door, glancing out at the street, like he was waiting for a bus or something. Finally, he was served and went out very agitated. Thought he’d get whatever he had been expecting, but no. I saw him again twenty minutes later, walking with the same impatient energy. I realised, he wasn’t really waiting on anything. The restlessness was from within, not connected to the world.

Lad/lass

Well now, turns out our boy is a girl. I had a hunch, I did, but I also have this innate uncertainty whispering to my ear things, like: an expert (aren’t vets supposed to be the experts?) wouldn’t make a balls-up of something so simple. But here we are! So then, could the second vet have been wrong as well? I doubt it. We have two little ladies now, one calico, one tuxedo, both fierce beautiful and clever little dotes.

Friday sky

The first photo's from the harbour, where we had fish and chips after I finished work.
The remaining three (below) are from a stroll around Dún Dealgan.

Only now do I see how the light poured through the streets.

Left the work, found a bone

Discovered LibreOffice and played with it for a while (they use Liberation Serif as the default font, interesting stuff). Other than that, not the most productive day. Figured I'd leave the assessments for tomorrow or maybe until the last student gets her work in. Very good decision, gave me loads of time for reading ;)

Fred collected me just after three and we headed to Dún Dealgan, for a coffee and pancakes, what a surprise ;) We also took a quick spin out to Na Creagacha Dubha, just for a short walk along the promenade with the sundial. On the beach we found this:

A cuttlefish bone.

In the afternoon, I met two new cats in the neighbourhood, Ukrainian asylants, staying at Anne’s while they wait for their parents to find a new, cat-friendly place to buy. 

Out in the garden, Fred spotted a piece of broken, kind of bluish eggshell – most likely from starlings. We have young ones!

Vexed

Finished reading Wired Our Own Way. The only piece that irked me and felt fabricated was the one written by Anonymous.
So, you decided to have FOUR children knowing that you are autistic, so they might be too? I exclaimed.
Do you actually work, woman?
And, where's the father, for ancient gods' sake?

I know these thoughts are harsh and I may have completely misinterpreted her story, but that's what I thought, and that's what I scribbled.

***

At some point during the day, we managed to organise my shoes into sixteen new plastic boxes (of course, it doesn't mean that I have only sixteen pairs of shoes, we're talking here about the ones that weren't properly displayed ;)). It feels like a meaningful achievement.

From under the duvet

Woke up at five. Fred was already getting ready to head off for his duties. 

At work, again, what a relief. We talked about 20th-century European history, prisms separating white light, change and how people get on with it, being content with ourselves, and about using the deposit return scheme instead of binning plastic bottles like some lazy eejits do. And all of this outside of the curriculum, just like that, because we KNOW things.

In the morning the weather was much cheerier than yesterday. Didn’t start raining until after I’d already met Fred at a coffee shop and we were on our way home.
.
.
.
So, it rains. No late stroll with the Dog. I'm tucked up under a duvet, listening to the liquid moonlight.

Woody brogues

Felt a bit weird and confused today. Normally I'd do three hours of tutoring at one of the places, but again this specific group began their work experience the week I flew home, and I won't see them again before starting my so-called career, which happens next week. The whole time I kept feeling like I should be doing something else, which added a bit of anxiety to my overall well-being. 

As Fred also has a few days off, we took Thursday for a little adventure. First, we walked to the beach and back. Then Fred pointed out that there were no eggs in Lidl and suggested we check one of the vending machines run by a local farmer, highly recommended by our lovely neighbour, Anne. I should've been preparing for Friday, but decided otherwise. I changed in five minutes, and we drove through the countryside towards the vending machine (with a little help from the GPS). Lucky us, with eggs in the boot, we decided to carry on. We went for a coffee in Dún Dealgan. It was a bit late, around five-ish, so the kitchen was closed, and I couldn't order my favourite pancakes, but well, it wasn't really a big problem. The weather was fab, so we decided to have a stroll to the bookshop with the obligatory stop at the shoe shop. And here's the surprise: all the shoes were on sale, which was especially unexpected given that the Barker shoes are usually quite expensive. The story was that the owner of Top Style Shoes is retiring after 50 years in the business, and he's sold the place to someone else. Fred's eyes lit up when he saw his favourite pair had gone from €310 to €99.99. He tried them on, decided he wanted them and that's when I stepped in – I paid for them, happy to finally give him his long belated birthday present.

Here they are, woody brogues:

Dublin zoo

What an absolutely splendid day. I felt much better than yesterday, though sleep was still rather elusive. The weather was lush, and we decided to make good use of it. I left Fred to decide for himself where he fancied taking me. Dublin Zoo, he said. We sauntered around for three hours. I’m not massively into the whole wild-animals-in-captivity thing, but the walk was really enjoyable and I'd count the whole escapade as a lovely way to spend the afternoon. Plus, we'd taken great care to style our outfits properly for the occasion (btw, Fred gave me a present: a black and white square scarf printed with moths, made of silk, by All Saints).

What I love most about this place is how green it is, with plenty of trees, and how spacious most of the enclosures are – the animals can actually hide from visitors if they want to, which in my opinion is exactly how it should be.

After the visit, we devoured pizzas at Milano in Blanchardstown, barely chatting (we didn't realise how hungry we were).

Below, red panda tucked away in a tree, my favourite place: the giraffes enclosure next to the rhinoceros (not visible in the photo), the comparison between humans and the western lowland gorillas, and their "island" in the last photo (there's one gorilla in the background, hardly visible, with its back to me).

Ready

Felt much better. No headache, no beanie (I wore a hat, but it's more of a style choice than anything). After work Fred came to collect me, we drove towards home, but we were also looking for a place to eat out. In the end, we made as far as Dún Dealgan and had lunch at the 3rd Place. Their tomato and veg soup was delicious, not your typical Irish cream soup, you could tell the co-owner is Polish. 

After coming home had a short chat with Mum. It worries me when she's in a grumpy mood. At first, I thought something serious had happened, but it became clear she was just low on energy after I had woken her from her afternoon nap. We talked about the weather forecast for the next few days, and she cheered up after a while. 

Once again, I'm checked in for my flight, my rucksack packed, and ready to travel. Although I didn't do anything special today, I will drift off to bed with a feeling of accomplishment. April fool's day passed unnoticed.