Promises

One of the potential co-workers had been deceiving me for two months, pretending she wanted to cooperate. She applied for the position, but didn't show up for the first meeting. The same happened with the second meeting -- but this time I got an excuse: oh, I’m sorry, but I was unwell. And then nothing, silence for many days.

After a month she suddenly reappeared, explaining that it was "a difficult situation" that had prevented her from taking any action, and that she was so considerate she didn’t want to bother me.

Well, I gave her a chance, and handed her a form that she was supposed to fill in. I should have known from the start -- the moment she was leaving the office, she walked in the opposite direction to where she needed to go to get the details for the form.

The next day, of course, something happened at home and she couldn't attend. The day after that, because something had happened at home, she was now sick from having been out in the rain. Another day, another story: she had to go to the doctor, mainly because she's sooo good she wanted to provide me with a sick note. On Monday she was "almost ready" to come over, but the sick note lasted until Tuesday, for sure u understand, but she had already bought a laptop to be more efficient at work …

It was indeed a comedy, the amount of excuses just to avoid doing anything. I haven't heard from her for the last two weeks. I'll be rolling on the floor laughing if she shows up again telling me, once more, that she had a difficult situation, and didn’t want to bother me with it. Aggrrrhrhr: all this I'll do this, I promise, and then I couldn't do it, because the world is such a bad place, and In the past I did plenty, plenty of things (conveniently things no one ever saw, and no one will ask about, maybe a person like me with my "so what’s exactly your work experience?"). Sometimes people are just like this; I have to accept it, have a good laugh and move on.

I'm doing fine ...

... I guess ;) On Monday I was a bit unwell, very tired, my legs were like jelly by the end of the day. But I treated myself with kindness, had dinner made by Fred, and spent most of the evening reading. I did the same yesterday, and around noon I was already feeling better

Generally, last week was very positive (apart from some situations at work, where we had a few bumps in the road due to personality clashes among the students. I wasn’t involved, but it’s still difficult when you’re the one who’s supposed to offer mediation).

On Saturday, Fred and I, we went to the cinema to see a Polish film called A Good Home. It’s about domestic violence; quite a difficult subject, but it’s worth watching, even just for its educational value.

We were also spending a lot of money in coffee shops -- Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, today… on Saturday we were out and about in An Inse and found a very interesting place called Sonairte.

Currently, I’m reading a great story: The Outrun by Amy Liptrot. I already know the plot, as back in April we watched the film based on the book, an adaptation starring Saoirse Ronan. The book is even better though, because it focuses more on the main character looking for new interests, hobbies, something to do outside of addiction.

On Monday I booked flight tickets for Christmas. € 341.78. Seriously. Yes, I already checked one or two weather forecasts, they said: White Christmas!

Work and beyond

Once again about work: indeed, things just aren't going my way. But somehow, I've already made peace with that. I've decided it's a sign, though I don't believe in signs. A sign of what, you may ask? That I'm still not working to my full potential, and instead on feeling stuck here, I should treat this as a part of a journey. So I will. I'm taking it day by day, like a proper zen queen, but I've got one eye open for new opportunities.

Below, the rest of the week in pictures: on Monday, we discovered a Mexican bistro; on Tuesday, girls on Fred's lap and an evening stroll to the beach in our village; on Wednesday, another new find, an Italian place that suits us both; on Friday, we went to see Mackbeth at the Gaiety Theatre, so there's a glimpse inside the Gaiety, just before the play began, and a late-night view of a Dublin street; on Saturday, after a bit of rain, golden delicious apples glistening in the garden; today, Little Mary with her daddy.

Not set in stone

A lot has happened since the last post. 

The Saturday before last, we went to a concert at the National Concert Hall. It was called Viva Verdi, Viva Wagner; a very nice evening for us both. And this is an unexpected piece of art I created on the way back home, at 22:36 (I think, I was trying to take a photo of the moon hiding in the woods):

On Monday, I became my own boss. I signed a new contract this week (Thursday, to be exact), not very exciting, but it was what was offered, and I took it. Once again in my life, I feel I can change my mind at any time. It's not set in stone, and I like it that way.

Our little ones are bigger and bigger. That same Monday afternoon, we went to the vet for a check-up. Little Mary is 2.5 kg now, and Bron just a bit less, 2.3 kg. Nothing has changed with Little Mary's peeing issue. We'll have to come to terms with it, I suppose.

Then on Wednesday, my husband had his post-CT scan visit with his oncologist. It's always been fine, fine for the past eight years. But this time was a bit different. They've found a tiny nodule in his lungs, too tiny to biopsy or remove in any other way. And that means only one thing: waiting. Fred's doctor was optimistic, he told my husband that the nodule had already been there in the previous scan, back at the beginning of the year, and they've spotted it only now. According to the doctor, it hasn't grown in the last six months. We shouldn't worry. We try not to worry. Waiting is a cruel game.
That day, the sea was quiet.

I came across an old piece about Eileen in the Irish Times. I liked it.

One life

I'm a bit worried about the situation in Poland, though I'm not sure there's actually anything to worry about. Russians, these belligerent, booze-soaked neighbours, have plenty of its own problems, the ongoing war in Ukraine is bleeding their country dry, more and more each year. 

If people truly understood how precious their one and only life is, we wouldn't have wars anymore: no one would dream of being a soldier, it would be too absurd.

On a brighter note (?), just one day to go, and I'll be my own boss.

Oh, and we were there last Saturday evening.

Storms

Autumn has definitely arrived.

Over the weekend, we had another storm – Gerben. An interesting name, not Irish obviously, but Dutch, meaning "spear-bearer". I've just learned that Met Éireann and the UK Met Office were joined in 2019 by the Royal Netherlands Meteorological Institute, their Dutch counterpart, hence the wider variety of storm names on the list in recent years. 

Gerben was the seventh and final storm from the previous list. With the first of September, a new season has officially begun. So, what can we expect in the next twelve months? Amy, Bram, Chandra, Dave, Eddie, Fionnuala, Gerard, Hannah, Isla, Janna, Kasia, Lilith, Marty, Nico, Oscar, Patrick, Ruby, Stevie, Tadhg, Violet and Wubbo. Kasia! ;)

As for work, the first three days this week have been a bit nightmarish, and the project is on the verge of collapsing. I'm meeting it with dignity and a steady supply of stress management :E

Crossing seasons

Again about me me moi at work: I’m in the middle of a transition process, scary, but interesting. I can see my confidence and self-esteem growing over time.

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The remnants of ex-hurricane Erin brought a change in the weather along the coast, as we shift from late summer into early autumn. It was lashing down at dawn; we drove through torrential rain that overflowed the gutters.

Late August

The week at work was a bit more full-on than it's been the past few summer months; not that I'm surprised, that's how it's meant to be, it's a job, after all. There'll be even more on my plate this time next week. I had a good little chat with my manager yesterday morning. Can I trust myself to keep going? Do I have the skills for it? (these are my questions, not hers) I hope so, but can't help feeling a bit anxious. 

Trying to walk more, clear my head, relax whenever there's a chance to ground myself; hence the photo above (taken on my stroll between the two offices, a bit of Friday skywatching, with An Bhóinn as the main theme).

Also yesterday, we had  a meeting with the Condrats at a sushi restaurant. Six of us around the table; the weather was splendid, calm and warm, and the sushi rolls were quite good, as they usually are at this place; still, both my husband and his friend noticed a few changes, not entirely for the better (different chef? Maybe).

I've been exploring Fish's solo albums one by one, starting from the earliest. I like his lyrics, and I enjoy the idea of going back in time like this. Just today, I discovered that Fish had done a cover of one of my favourite Bowie's song, Five Years.

Lifted

I was feeling a bit low yesterday, but today at work was a much better experience. I chatted with people (socialising always lifts my mood), plus, it was a productive day overall. I even managed to relax a little and stopped overthinking the whole 'career change' idea. Of course, I won’t stay in this position forever, but I’d be happy to stick with it for a few more months before I get bored. I met two potential learners and felt much better compared to yesterday evening.

Between naps

Haven’t felt like posting much here the last few days. Work's been full-on; the afternoons leave me more anxious and knackered than usual (second time this week I’ve nodded off before dinner). Nothing’s all that hard, really. Just think my nervous system's stuck in Eastern European mode. Have to remind myself of something fairly obvious: I've got a beautiful life.

(Photo: the staircase in the building I worked in today)

Friday’s highlights

 At work:

At home (Fred's gifts for me):

Apart from that, Bron's teething!

Just not yet

Yesterday, we had a Polish dinner -- proper comfort food: potatoes with fresh dill, fried eggs, and kefir. At my family home, and going back a bit further in my ancestors' time, we’d usually have naturally soured milk, but kefir works just fine. And, of course, we eat with cutlery in the "European" style -- fork in the left hand, something I’ve only really noticed recently; it struck me how different (some) Americans are about that.

The girls are growing so fast! (their little faces are in the background). They had the last booster two weeks ago, and we’ve started introducing them to the harness and leash bit by bit. They’re doing well, getting more confident every day.

I’ve been thinking about writing more often, but I already have a Polish blog, kind of a diary of my daily life, so I’d like this one to be a bit more random and back-and-forth, not strictly tied to what’s going on day-to-day. I've been in a strange headspace lately (hasn't that been the general mood all year?), I'd say it's to do with changes in my work life. Everything's shifting, I'm waiting to settle in, but some things are out of my hands. I'll get there, just not yet. And once I do, my writing rhythm will shift as well.

Left the work, found a bone

Discovered LibreOffice and played with it for a while (they use Liberation Serif as the default font, interesting stuff). Other than that, not the most productive day. Figured I'd leave the assessments for tomorrow or maybe until the last student gets her work in. Very good decision, gave me loads of time for reading ;)

Fred collected me just after three and we headed to Dún Dealgan, for a coffee and pancakes, what a surprise ;) We also took a quick spin out to Na Creagacha Dubha, just for a short walk along the promenade with the sundial. On the beach we found this:

A cuttlefish bone.

In the afternoon, I met two new cats in the neighbourhood, Ukrainian asylants, staying at Anne’s while they wait for their parents to find a new, cat-friendly place to buy. 

Out in the garden, Fred spotted a piece of broken, kind of bluish eggshell, most likely from starlings. We have young ones!

A non-update

Second week of work in a new role wasn't all that productive, but at least I settled into it. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday sort of blurred together: Fred acted as my chauffeur, I spent far too much on coffees and croissants, and the weather was rather off -- typical really.

Got a lovely gift from my husband, dark green Converse shoes. The next day (Thursday), I bought him Leonard Cohen's Poems and Songs (and a book about autism for myself, Wired Our Own Way). Today, I got a new pair of sheepskin sleepers (rubber sole on the old ones started to crumble like shortbread). We're both spoiled kids.

Below, one of my lunch breaks, the book and the Dog.

From under the duvet

Woke up at five. Fred was already getting ready to head off for his duties. 

At work, again, what a relief. We talked about 20th-century European history, prisms separating white light, change and how people get on with it, being content with ourselves, and about using the deposit return scheme instead of binning plastic bottles like some lazy eejits do. And all of this outside of the curriculum, just like that, because we KNOW things.

In the morning the weather was much cheerier than yesterday. Didn’t start raining until after I’d already met Fred at a coffee shop and we were on our way home.
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So, it rains. No late stroll with the Dog. I'm tucked up under a duvet, listening to the liquid moonlight.

For real

I enjoyed it, I really did, my first day at the new job. We went for a coffee in the morning, then looked through some papers, and later had a chat about more philosophical matters. I didn't feel like it would be something very difficult or bothersome. Also, managed to sort out my holidays in May straight away, which was really helpful. 

Today I was more aware of the fact that it's for real, and that's when the ol' impostor syndrome kicked in. I'll have to find a way to deal with it. Will see how I am holding up emotionally by the end of this first week.

Being there Monday to Friday is something new, but I'm hoping that having more work will bring a sense of accomplishment rather than just a headache, fingers crossed. That's how I see it, raw and honest. 

Easter preparations are in full swing; today along with a box of eggs from a vending machine, we got a bonus, a gold one (I'm guessing there's chocolate's inside). Fred was cooking most of the day, I just sat back, ate and have a read.

In the starting blocks

The money was allocated to renovate our small house, that’s the news of the weekend -- I found out yesterday while I was walking towards the beach. Hope it happens soon, as I’ve been battling with the front lock for the past several months.

Friday was my final day at the place where I started working four years ago, just after the lockdown year of 2020. The farewell "party" was short -- grand, I'm not really one for those sorts of things. I don't think they've had anyone before who was so organized without being full-on OCD. Technology worked in my favour, with one click I shared via Microsoft OneDrive everything I’d been working on over the last few months, and that was that. No regrets about this job; I've learned a lot, it gave me some time to ponder what I'd like to do next, and now I'm happy to begin a new adventure.

As of late, I finished reading Norwegian Wood by Murakami; I found it to be quite pretentious, and moved with relief on to Jon Fosse's I is Another: Septology III-V. I read both books in Polish translation, but, as always, I think it would be interesting to compare them with the English versions, as both Japanese and Norwegian are all Greek to me ;) And yesterday my husband and I watched There Will Be Blood with Daniel Day-Lewis, a fantastic actor. I loved the slow-paced script.

Sunday has been rather laid-back so far. Fred cooked beef stew, and I haven't done anything practical, just blogging and thinking, letting my thoughts settle a bit before tomorrow. In the evening we plan to go to our friends' for a chat and maybe watch a film on Netflix.

Below, Friday's farewell Victoria sponge.