I came back home on Saturday evening, and I still don’t feel like I’ve settled down. In the meantime, two lovely artists passed away – Patricia Routledge on the day I flew to Poland, and Diane Keaton on the day I was coming back.
Below, random pictures without captions ;)
Once again about work: indeed, things just aren't going my way. But somehow, I've already made peace with that. I've decided it's a sign, though I don't believe in signs. A sign of what, you may ask? That I'm still not working to my full potential, and instead on feeling stuck here, I should treat this as a part of a journey. So I will. I'm taking it day by day, like a proper zen queen, but I've got one eye open for new opportunities.
Below, the rest of the week in pictures: on Monday, we discovered a Mexican bistro; on Tuesday, girls on Fred's lap and an evening stroll to the beach in our village; on Wednesday, another new find, an Italian place that suits us both; on Friday, we went to see Mackbeth at the Gaiety Theatre, so there's a glimpse inside the Gaiety, just before the play began, and a late-night view of a Dublin street; on Saturday, after a bit of rain, golden delicious apples glistening in the garden; today, Little Mary with her daddy.
If someone says it's not worth trying to save a seagull,
'cause it's just a pest, like a rat, or a mouse,
I'd say, I like rats.
*
Below, Bron having a morning kip on my husband's lap; a clever bumblebee dozing beneath an anigozanthos; the young seagull I tried to save, in vain; our latest coffee spot find; sunset at the beach (Fred's legs); Little Mary relaxing after a garden adventure; evening walk at the beach.
I enjoyed it, I really did, my first day at the new job. We went for a coffee in the morning, then looked through some papers, and later had a chat about more philosophical matters. I didn't feel like it would be something very difficult or bothersome. Also, managed to sort out my holidays in May straight away, which was really helpful.
Today I was more aware of the fact that it's for real, and that's when the ol' impostor syndrome kicked in. I'll have to find a way to deal with it. Will see how I am holding up emotionally by the end of this first week.
Being there Monday to Friday is something new, but I'm hoping that having more work will bring a sense of accomplishment rather than just a headache, fingers crossed. That's how I see it, raw and honest.
Easter preparations are in full swing; today along with a box of eggs from a vending machine, we got a bonus, a gold one (I'm guessing there's chocolate's inside). Fred was cooking most of the day, I just sat back, ate and have a read.
Felt a bit weird and confused today. Normally I'd do three hours of tutoring at one of the places, but again this specific group began their work experience the week I flew home, and I won't see them again before starting my so-called career, which happens next week. The whole time I kept feeling like I should be doing something else, which added a bit of anxiety to my overall well-being.
As Fred also has a few days off, we took Thursday for a little adventure. First, we walked to the beach and back. Then Fred pointed out that there were no eggs in Lidl and suggested we check one of the vending machines run by a local farmer, highly recommended by our lovely neighbour, Anne. I should've been preparing for Friday, but decided otherwise. I changed in five minutes, and we drove through the countryside towards the vending machine (with a little help from the GPS). Lucky us, with eggs in the boot, we decided to carry on. We went for a coffee in Dún Dealgan. It was a bit late, around five-ish, so the kitchen was closed, and I couldn't order my favourite pancakes, but well, it wasn't really a big problem. The weather was fab, so we decided to have a stroll to the bookshop with the obligatory stop at the shoe shop. And here's the surprise: all the shoes were on sale, which was especially unexpected given that the Barker shoes are usually quite expensive. The story was that the owner of Top Style Shoes is retiring after 50 years in the business, and he's sold the place to someone else. Fred's eyes lit up when he saw his favourite pair had gone from €310 to €99.99. He tried them on, decided he wanted them and that's when I stepped in – I paid for them, happy to finally give him his long belated birthday present.
Here they are, woody brogues:
The weather was too dodgy for a walk (the sunshine was deceiving; around noon hail came out of nowhere), so most of the day we spent indoors. A few basic chores got done (mostly laundry, though we couldn't leave it outside, so it didn't dry properly, and we're still tripping over the two drying racks in the living room), followed by a nap in the early afternoon.
Decided to head out for dinner, so we popped into town, and went to Borzalino. It's a cracking spot – great Italian food, lovely atmosphere, and prices that won't break the bank (well, we forked out €70, including the tip, but it's not bad for two people: one starter, two mains, tea, juice, two coffees, and a shared dessert). The restaurant's been on the map for over 25 years; we're lucky to have such a gem, especially now, when so many of the places we loved have disappeared for good.
All in all, it was a good day (despite the weather); we were sitting in the restaurant, chatting about how lucky we are; we have each other, no health worries, simply enjoying life and making small plans for the future.
Below, our mains in Borzalino.
Getting back to normal after the weekend was a struggle, especially since we didn't get home until two in the morning. For Fred it was even more traumatic, he'd only had three hours' sleep and was facing an eight-hour shift starting at eight o'clock. Tough luck. At least I could recuperate in the peace and quiet of my own home.
My first day back at work today wasn't too bad, actually. Had only three students, not much of a surprise after St. Patrick's weekend. We worked for three hours, and then, after I stepped out of the building, in a few seconds Fred pulled up right in front of me in our blue horseless carriage. We were nearly off, but after a quick chat decided to stay in the town and go for a coffee.
Back home, booked a flight to Poland, because the price caught my eye, €43,98 both ways, not bad at all. The rest of the day was a bit of a blur. Got back to reading the paper book I'd left off before the weekend, while Fred did a bit of cleaning, seeing as we’ve got the lads coming tomorrow to install the new broadband in the house. I have a good husband.
Below, coffees in our favourite place in Droichead Átha:
Fred noticed I was awake (I coughed a lot), with a mischievous grin popped his head through the door and later, after kissing me and wishing me a happy Women's Day, he reached into the wardrobe and pulled out a big sack with two presents inside: a lovely crew neck top made from pure New Zealand merino wool (it's actually a retro mod attire, J. Smedey, with white and apple red stripes – oh my gods, so cool!) and a pair of cashmere pants in a kind of red violet colour (Ralph Lauren X). Am I not a one lucky woman to have this guy for a husband?
The day was very quiet; I read, did some paper work, did some ironing, cooked dinner (Fred came back home before 6 p.m.), watched youtube videos, among others a very interesting vlog by Bernadette Banner on how to recognise natural fiber, such as protein or cellulose fiber. It was very informative, indeed. Most of my wardrobe now consists of clothes made from natural fibres, and I consciously avoid acrylic fabric.
I had a video call with my parents and got a lil bit irritated by my Mum's usual response, that they can't fly to Ireland to visit us, because ... I think over time I cope better with this autistic stubbornness of hers; however, I can't help but feel sad that she limits herself, and also restricts Dad's experience. Life is so short.
Another much longer video call was with my friend, Lucy. It's good to be able to connect, talk about random staff, not really gossips, rather about feelings and emotions. I want to work more on this, connection with people I like.
Misty and rainy. We decided to use the remaining voucher we got from our neighbour some time ago, so we had lunch at a sushi restaurant in Dún Dealgan. After that we went to a coffee shop. Fred bought some coffee beans and an AeroPress for his friend, Raphael, whom I'll meet in person for the first time next weekend. I'm already feeling adventurous; it will be a short trip, but quite different from my recent experiences.
After coffee we zoomed off to Tesco for some shopping and bought supplies for the next two or three dinners. Tomorrow, Fred starts four-days work stretch, and I'll be on my own. I'll do some bits and bobs around the house and also read; I'm hoping to finally finish Herbert's biography, which I've been reading for a few months now, and then dive into something new.
Below: before the sushi we warmed our hands with cups of green tea.
It's time to pack, but there's really not much to do, I'm taking my trusty rucksack which always serves me well as a small cabin bag that fits easily under the seat in front of me. Throughout the day, I listened to Montaigne's Essays read in Polish. It was a longish adventure – after 25 years I returned to this text last November, but I couldn't/didn't want to follow the narrative every day. I've changed over the years, in the past I used to be more impressed, now I'm ready to argue every so often, and I think it's a good sign ;) Nonetheless, mostly enjoyed the listening.
I feel tension, kind of anxiety, Reisefieber. I think it's because Fred is not flying with me, he has to go to work tomorrow, and even more importantly, he has a doctor appointment on Wednesday. I'll be ok on my own, and he'll be ok on his own, just prefer us travelling together, it's more fun, I couldn't dream of a better companion.
‘Tis a rare fortune, but of inestimable solace; to have a worthy man, one of a sound judgment and of manners conformable to your own, who takes a delight to bear you company. Words of wisdom :)
On Monday I finished listening to Keegan's Foster read by Aoife McMahon.
On Tuesday we watched My Left Foot with Daniel Day-Lewis. Still, not too bad.
On Wednesday my husband booked two plane tickets to Frankfurt-Hahn. It will be a short, March weekend visit to one of the wee towns am Rhein in western Germany. I can hardly wait, a little hotel has also been booked by now.
On Thursday I borrowed Spare, an ebook by Harry Mountbatten-Windsor. It will be an easy read.
Today, a lovely Valentine's lunch in Da Mimmo, a tiny Italian restaurant in Northside Dublin. It was my present for us, as I tend to forget special occasions like this, and Fred gave me a lot of presents in the morning (Polo Ralph Lauren striped cable-knit pull-on sweater skirt, Sprayway Era Gore-Tex Jacket, Majestic Filatures linen coat). Staying positive, trying not to dwell on my husband's two recent hospital visits (a CT scan on Tuesday and a blood test today), there isn't really much to discuss: we were in Beaumont Hospital for an hour altogether, our lunches following both visits were far more interesting and uplifting.
Finally, after years of contemplating this move, I joined the local library in Droichead Átha. It's a temporary online account, but I plan to validate my membership by visiting the premises in person. In the meantime, I already borrowed one audiobook, Foster by Claire Keegan. How come it took me so long to do the right thing? :E
There were more uplifting events in the last few days. Anne, our neighbour, was so generous to give us a present, opening night tickets for Der fliegende Holländer. Wagner, of course; and it's not like he's my favourite composer, but live music is a different level of fun.
Another enjoyable cirmustance was an unexpected support from one of my managers. It seems like he really wants me to succeed in the job interview that would give me a serious promotion. I'm sceptical, doubt if the amount of potential new duties is something I will be comfortable with, but decided to follow this route and check where it will lead me.
Well ... and today, Fred and I, we found a new lovely gastro spot, it's called Duende. They serve very nice steaks there. The whole adventure of looking for a new place to eat out was related with our search for a new office chair for Fred. The old one (which is actually not so old), started to rock back and forth rather dangerously. Now we have two almost identical office chairs in our kitchen, mine is black, Fred's is brown.
Below: spectacular Duende experience.
We had a lovely time the day before yesteday. My husband was at the doctors', it was a quick check up that didn't explained anything. Well, no news is good news at times. We went to Dún Dealgan for lunch in our favourite coffee shop, just flat whites and pancakes with fruit and maple syrup (for me, his were with nutella and banana). Later we enjoyed a short walk to one book shop and back. Of course, we checked some Barker shoes in a shoe shop on the way, as we usually do.
Yesterday was not too bad either. In the morning I had to go to work, but it didn’t spoil my day, Thursday's group is more mature and independent, I can relax and nurture a feeling of competence. Home life was comforting, even if some news was grim: in my family home the eldest of my parents’ dogs is not well. Changes like this are difficult. I rememeber her as a puppy with a wrinkled forehead. I'm worried that I won't see her again.
Below, the scene from our Wednesday's pet sitting pleasures; we were trying to watch Back to Black, but it wasn't a good film.
So, why do I insist on writing in English, when I don't have as many interesting things to say? At this point I don't know. It might have something to do with the year of changes, but currently I don't know what it means.